We are the best around. Nothing is ever going to keep us down.
What is most important in business?
To crush your competitors, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their employees.
Fast
We're fast. The fastest. If you benchmarked us, you'd be really impressed. But you should take my word for it. You just sit back and have a beer.
Secure
Hell, even I can't get in sometimes. Drives my IT guys nuts!
Scalable
What's better than one of our nodes? A whole shit-ton of nodes! Can I write that on a website? I can't afford to get sued again.
Fast
I love me some CPUs. If I'm in a store and see processors for sale, you bet your ass I clean them out. My IT guys pretend they are upset, saying things like, "These aren't even the right kind!" or "They stopped making these in the '90s!". I know they love me.
Advanced
We're so advanced, I can't understand what goes on in the meetings I'm in. I just usually nod and think about what's for lunch.
Bullet Point
Despacito, quiero respirar tu cuello despacito.
Fast
I wonder what's for lunch? I hope it's not that weird fusion truck of countries that don't speak American. I need food, not a science experiment.
Are you even reading this anymore?
I can't believe I signed up to write the copy for this. The last ten-ish or so web designers quit for some reason. I don't get it. Listen, just buy the damn nodes.
It's dangerous to go alone. Take this.
Limited time offer. Register to receive your FREE Nimbus Node!
* Note that your email address is safe with us and we do not share it with third parties. We take spam very seriously here. You see, my dad...he wasn't good with computers. His AOL email box became so full of spam he couldn't even find the actual mail he wanted to read. It got so bad that on one fateful day he heard the "You've got mail!" sound and he went to check his mailbox. It was spam. He screamed. I still remember the terrible scream. It ripped at my soul like a rusty pizza cutter. He jumped up, no easy feat for a man of 95 with a strict diet of double cheeseburgers, ran out the door and right into the busy street. He was killed instantly by the 425 commuter bus. I couldn't believe it. I made a solemn vow on that day to never spam anybody. And one day I will get my revenge, "Vi4gra4U". Guaranteed or your money back, you son of a bitch.